Wednesday, 6 January 2016

RIP Twenties – Who the hell are you?

Source: Giphy.com

One of the most positive things I have done in my 20’s is completely selfish! I spent a good chunk of my last 10 years trying to answer the question: Who am I? You always hear that your teen years are a time of self-discovery and experimentation. What people don’t tell you is that this phase lasts until about your late 20’s…great. 
At 18 I went away to University. It was my first taste of the real world away from the protection of my family. By this time I thought the hard part was over. I survived the awkward years between childhood and adulthood! It was smooth sailing from here! How naïve of me to think I already had life figured out. Hahaha! Little did I know it would hit me with more challenges leaving me more confused and lost than I have ever been. I slowly discovered the better I knew myself, the clearer my choices were and easier my decisions came.

This was no easy task. I had to make a conscious effort consistently over time to get a genuine sense of myself. At the end of it all, I was not who I thought I was. BUT I finally saw myself with no filter or edit. Now I had a baseline to start from to get to the person I wanted to be.

Why I did it.
Happiness – The only way I want to live the rest of my life is in happiness. Though happiness is subjective, it’s definitely rooted in understanding yourself. Knowing what you really want and why you want it can play a role in achieving your true happiness.
Better Relationships – In order to have stable relationships with the people closest to you, you need to know who you are! A lot of problems are caused because people don’t know what they actually want or they refuse to recognize their shortcomings. Once you stop putting up a front for others, you can spend more time enjoying and improving the relationship.
Success – It takes courage to admit that there are areas in your life where you just suck, and some maturity to be ok with this. A person with real self-awareness knows this is the key to succeeding in any aspect in life. Why? Because you know what areas to improve on and you can begin to make positive and necessary changes to become that version of yourself you always wanted to be.
Strength – Being a strong person has always been important to me. I was brought up to be self-sufficient and not to rely or depend on anyone. I want to be tough so I could take anything that gets thrown at me. Unfortunately my definition of true strength was all wrong. My vulnerabilities became the source of my strength.

How I did it.
Be honest with yourself! – Everything only started falling into place once I became honest with myself. That is really the first step. Part of that is acknowledging your flaws, or like I mentioned earlier, knowing what areas you suck in. Also give yourself some credit for the awesome parts about you!
Eff the critics! – You need to stop caring what people think. If you give less importance on the opinions of others, you will find that it will be easier to accept your shortcomings and easier to do what you feel necessary to improve your life. Your happiness should not be correlated to the number of “likes” you get.
Only worry about what you can control – There are things that you have the power to change and there are things you can’t. It’s useless to focus on things you can’t change because that is the outcome regardless of what you do. It is also a waste of time thinking about the past and what “could have been” because that, too, is out of your hands. What can you do NOW?!
Open your mind – Be open to learn new things that have a positive impact. Be open to the idea that you are not always right. Be open to step beyond your comfort zone. 

What I got out of it.
I am happy. I wake up almost every day with positive vibes. I am humble and grateful for everything I have. I am hopeful for my future. And on a day-to-day basis I’m WAY less stressed out than I used to be.
My temper is controlled. I’m significantly less defensive than I have been in the past. I’m still confrontational, but I’m smarter about it.
I have stronger interpersonal skills – I’m more understanding of people’s situations even though I may disagree with it.
I am becoming a better person – Since I have acknowledged my flaws, I am now able to change things about myself that I don’t like. I am also sincerely trying to emulate qualities that I admire in people. When I am in my deathbed, I want THAT woman to be the BEST possible version of myself because I never want to stop the journey of self-improvement.
I am stronger – Being vulnerable was a no-no for me. But I realize now that it takes an enormous amount of strength and courage to allow myself to be vulnerable. I am still badass though.
I make better use of my time – I have wasted so much time hating, complaining, and being angry when I could have been doing something more productive. I still vent, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just to make me feel better then I continue about my day.
I found my limits - I am human and I do have limits. Now I know what it is and where they are. I know which ones can't be crossed and which ones that bend.

Many people have been asking me how I feel to be turning the big 3-0. My response? I couldn't be more thrilled! I am the most confident I have ever been and I can say this time around I am WAY more prepared for this next decade to come!

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